It's been so long since I've done this. I feel like I need it though and maybe there are other people that feel the same way. Get ready for this.
My Grandma was diagnosed with Cancer....but let me rewind a year.
About a year ago, the doctors noticed that a lump in her lung they had been watching (we had no idea) had grown, significantly. I mean centimeters in the "growth" world is a lot. So, they did all these scans and told us she had cancer. Then, they did a biopsy and then they were all like "nevermind, jk". About 4 months ago, they jk'd on their first jk. Apparently, there is a weird infection that is known to grow around these growths so when they did the biopsy, they pulled from the infection, not the cancerous growth. Well, about 4 months ago they re-diagnosed my grandmother. With Stage 4 Lung Cancer.
This is the lady that let us shithead grandkids use her car as long as we dropped her off and picked her up from bingo. The lady that taught us how to make homemade eggrolls. The lady that babysat us when our single moms had to work. The lady that charged our mom's for laundry haha. Everyday I remember all these things that I thought were long gone. It took me a long time and a lot of reflection to stop being mad at the doctors. Like, maybe I'm not all the way over it...maybe we could have caught it sooner, maybe it wouldn't be like this. maybe maybe maybe.
She's on Hospice now. She's signed a DNR now.
Let me rewind again, but this time, let me rewind about 28 years. When I was alone at night, I didn't worry about the boogyman, I didn't worry about I didn't worry about things like that, I always worried that my grandma would die. Not even that day, or that year, but someday, and it made me....terrified, scared, sad. Now this is my real life. This is the reason I don't sleep at night. This is the reason I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
Today is the day I share our story (mostly her story but she doesn't know how to read blogs lol) and hope that somebody somewhere will know that they aren't the only ones feeling this pain. This is why I Relay. This is why I try to treat people nicely even if they are shitheads because you never know what somebody is going through.
Love you all.
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